Flower Girls Meet

May Wellness Daytreat

Special love to our partner WP+D Chicago who helped us make this event a success! Shout out to Molly Black for leading such a soothing yoga sesh, Ammie Kae for making us reflect deeply on our wounds and triumphs using narrative exposure therapy, and finally Pam Johnson Davis, LeeAnn McCabe & Ashima Bhayana for sharing your incredible and relatable stories about friendship, grief, depression, and the cost of being hard on ourselves.

Here are a few takeaways:
– Doing yoga is healing and beneficial to our mental/ physical health. 
– Molly Black has a soothing presence and is able to transport anyone to a calm place. Check out her Portugal Yoga Retreat and use code: WELLNESSWITHMOLLY for $100 off.
– Sharing our stories helps us feel better and makes us realize we aren’t alone.
– According to Ammie Kae Brooks, Narrative Exposure Therapy is a helpful way to make sense of our trauma. We used this therapy module during our journaling session with flowers (to represent triumphs), rocks (challenges), candles (connections) + matches (losses), and it was eye-opening viewing our troubles and triumphs in this way. Here’s the exercise to practice at home. Ammie is accepting new clients! Learn more: granddaughtershealing.com
– Be careful whom you allow into your inner circle.
– Don’t be so hard on yourself when you’re going through a difficult time. This is when you need to be the most gentle with yourself.
– Your career journey is not linear and you have to keep fighting to find the right environment and mentors.
– Finally, find some time every day or week to journal your thoughts. It’ll help you feel better about the things you’re going through. Check some interesting happenings/ more links below.

Fall Sex Talk with Yanni Brown

Fall Sex Talk with Yanni Brown was a fabulous time! We talked about sex, self-care, finding love in this pandemic, and being more vocal about our desires. Yanni was able to answer all of our pressing questions. She kept it really real and for that, I think we’re all eternally grateful.

Loving yourself is a never-ending journey. – Yanni Brown

  1. One of the key themes throughout the talk was learning to fall in love with yourself first before bringing someone else into the picture. Sometimes we think relationships will fix our issues, but we need to look within first and figure out who we are, what we want, and need.
  2. When dating people, there are questions we need to ask. They will tell us whether the person is serious about us or not. Questions to ask in the beginning are: Where is this going? What are you looking for in a relationship?
  3. People are finding love in this pandemic! Nathalynne McGinnis is a true testament to this. She met her partner right before quarantine and they took it slow – speaking on the phone, taking walks, and doing socially distant activities. Yanni says if the person you want to date is interested, they’ll find a way to make it work with you.
  4. You don’t have to follow traditional relationship patterns. You can date whomever you’d like, as long as you are open and honest about who you are and what you’re looking for!

More gems from Yanni:
We all want to be loved
Ask to see their MyChart
You are chosen

Thanks, Yanni! Please feel free to email her here: yanni@makinglovebettertwogether.com.

  • More sayings from the other girls who attended:
    -Sex becomes more painful with age
    -Apparently, this stuff works
    -My pleasure matters to me
  • Balancing your PH comes before, during, and after sex. Eat a well-balanced diet and see a nutritionist if what you’re doing isn’t working.
    -You should consider pursuing non-traditional relationships too. Be honest about what you’re looking for. You’re not too old to start pursuing this at 30.
    -Don’t settle for less than you deserve. Be true to who you are and you’ll attract the right person.

A meditation to help with self-care & finding love:
Close your eyes.
Relax your shoulders.
Unclench your jaw.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in again.
Breathe out.
Think of yourself as having a beautiful relationship with yourself. Now, think of yourself having the same with someone worthy of having you.
Open your eyes.

How to Grow Plants & Friendships

Here’s what we learned from our talk with Jasmine of Black Girls with Gardens! We learned plenty about plants and cultivating our friendships. We hope these tips will help you on your journey to grow your plants and build lasting friendships.

  1. Jasmine is a therapist who works with mentally ill patients by day, and gardens at night. After her last grandparent died, she began taking care of her garden and it was there that Black Girls with Gardens bloomed. Jasmine says it came naturally to her because she loves plants and gardening + she felt it was necessary, and she wanted to connect with other like-minded women who were interested in gardening. As a result, BGWG has grown!
  2. People make two mistakes when growing plants – first, impulse buying plants without having done research to determine whether they will grow well in their home, and second, over-loving the plant by watering too much or re-potting too quickly.
  3. Do your research! Assess your home’s sunlight levels, whether it’s humid or cold, etc. Take five minutes to google the plant type and understand its care requirements. Qs to answer: what kind of lighting are you getting? What’s the ideal temp? Research which plants like those environments.
  4. Most tropical plants like warm rooms. You can buy elephant ears, philodendrons, hoyas, and monstera.
  5. For growing plants outdoors, consider your soil and what your watering schedule is going to be like.
  6. Plants can get sick. Go through a process of elimination – water, soil, light. If the plant doesn’t revive, it’s time to let it go. More tips here.
  7. If it’s not broken, I wouldn’t try to fix it. – in reference to Pamela’s Croton plant which is blossoming right now. If your plant is thriving, let it thrive. You don’t have to do anything extra.
  8. Try these fertilizers: organic earth warm castings, Jobe’s fertilizer sticks, and fish emotion.
  9. Growing zones aka your growing climates are important to know, so you’re aware of when and what to grow in your garden. It’s a guide to when to start growing fruits and veggies.
  10. Herbs are great plants to grow to learn how to garden – grow them indoors or outdoors. They’re resilient plants – basil (so many different types), parsley, oregano, cilantro, and thyme. You can grow 5 to 6 at a time. Have fun with these!
  11. Use neem oil to get rid of bugs in your plants, but beware of how much you are using because it can burn your plants. More tips here.
  12. We have so much in common with plants. Jasmine broke it down to three essential parts – water, light and soil. We need to water both our plants and friendships adequately. Water adds nutrients to plants, just as in our friendships, water represents good communication which is the key to any healthy relationship. You should feel comfortable sharing how you feel! Light is another important factor which gives plants the chemical energy it needs to thrive. Light in friendships = being present and listening more to one another. Finally, plants need proper soil, which is the foundation of growth. The foundation in a friendship means being surrounded by like-minded individuals! Set realistic expectations about the relationship but remember why you became friends in the first place, and be nimble as the relationship changes, and remember it’s worth fighting for as long as you’re still connecting.
  13. Managing friendships during a pandemic? Reach out and manage expectations! Take care of yourself first before anyone else. Be clear about your needs and manage where you can meet in the middle.
  14. Making new friends? Be open-minded to new experiences. You’ll find friends in ways you never did before. Be open to virtual first dates!
  15. Finally, just like plants, be easy, stay open-minded, and enjoy the journey. Some relationships will last forever, while others are just for the season, and that is okay.

The Power of Pelvic Floor Therapy

A healthy pelvic floor feels like being able to sit through an entire movie without needing to use the restroom, having great sex, and benefitting from seamless bowel movements. Here are 10 things we learned/gems dropped (from the girls) about having a better body image and pelvic floor from Pelvic Floor therapist, Ariel Wynne:

  1. Remember, you are a work in progress.
  2. You don’t have to be the size society, your culture, or your family expects you to be.
  3. If you’re healthy, it doesn’t matter what size you are.
  4. Say “fuck ‘em” to anyone who makes comments about your body. It’s a reflection of what they think about themselves, not about you. More tips here.
  5. The pelvic floor is a set of muscles that supports pelvic organs such as the bladder, uterus, and bowel, like a hammock.
  6. The pelvic floor prevents accidental loss of urine or feces. It is considered an integral part of our body’s complete mobility and stability.
  7. 1 in 3 women suffer from pelvic floor dysfunction (urinary/anal incontinence, pelvic pain, or pelvic organ prolapse), but fewer than half of all women seek medical care.
  8. If you’d like to review Ariel Wynne’s full pelvic floor presentation, email us!
  9. You can’t put a price on orgasms – do your pelvic exercises so you can have better sex and painless periods! Recommended exercises for your pelvic floor include glute bridges, clamshell, and diaphragmatic breathing. Shout out to my personal trainer Sonya Robinson for always incorporating pelvic floor exercises into our weekly routine.
  10. Practice mindfulness for self-healing and accepting yourself where you are right now. This also calms and strengthens your pelvic floor!

Additional resources:

Thanks again to those of you who were able to attend the meet-up! We all benefit from seeing and talking to each other in person. When we are vulnerable and share our stories, we not only heal ourselves but also those around us. Thanks to each of you who make this community happen!