Flower Girls Meet

Date your next therapist

Finding the right therapist takes time and patience. It’s actually a lot like dating! See below for tips and be sure to download this PDF with more tips from Michelle, Janese, and Daisy who spoke at our last event – Thank you so much ladies for sharing your time and knowledge!

  1. Take a moment to reflect on what you need in your life right now and what is important for you to address. For example: Do you want to work on your anxiety or a recent life change?
    Michelle suggests thinking about what type of relationship you desire to have with a close friend. What makes them important to you? How do they make you feel when you are around them? Ask yourself these Qs too: What are you hoping to gain through your therapy journey? How do you envision yourself a year from now? What about your life looks different?
  2. Time to do your own research! Ask people you trust for referrals, then double-check everything online to ensure the therapist you’ve been recommended fits the bill. Janese suggests looking for therapists who are local to your area or those who offer teletherapy, then read their online profiles and reviews to get an idea of their credentials, specialties, and approach to therapy. Daisy suggests seeking a therapist who specializes in the issue(s) you’re struggling with and hoping to address. Often a therapist’s bio will list their specialties, and the therapist may note they have completed specialized training in certain conditions. Examples include depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, substance abuse/addiction, eating disorders, personality disorders, grief, relationship issues, and women’s mental health, etc.
  3. The process is a lot like dating – you may have to go through a few therapists until you find the right one. Janese says “Many therapists offer free consultations to help you determine if they are a good fit for you. Take advantage of this opportunity to ask questions and get a sense of their personality and approach.”
  4. More things to consider:
    • Are there any identities that you feel are important for your therapist to hold? These include race and ethnicity, gender, sexuality, and religion.
    • Specializations: If you have a history of trauma, you may want to seek out a “trauma-informed” or “trauma-sensitive” therapist who has trained to better understand and address the impacts of trauma on mental health.
    • Modalities: There are many models and approaches to therapy. Some therapists may primarily train in and use one modality, while other therapists may incorporate multiple modalities into their work. Again, these approaches will often be listed on a therapist’s website. Examples include psychodynamic, psychoanalytic, CBT, supportive, ACT, DBT, relational, EMDR, somatic experiencing, etc. Some modalities may work best for different people, so be sure to research which ones you’d like to try/ work with your new therapist to see which would be best for you.
    • Setting: Therapists can practice in many different settings, including at a solo practice, in a group practice with multiple therapists, in a combined clinic with psychiatrists and therapists, at a community medical center, or at a large hospital. You could even try group therapy. Ultimately you’ll want to think about the experience you want out of therapy as Michelle mentioned in the beginning and then make your decision accordingly.
    • Insurance/ Cost: If you do not have insurance, ask about self-pay costs. Some therapists offer sliding scale services, meaning that they can adjust their costs depending on your income. Some clinics have training programs where you may be able to pay a low cost per session to see a therapist trainee.
  5. Finally, please trust yourself and know that you have the ability to choose the right therapist for you, even if it takes years! Janese says “Trust your gut. Ultimately, you want to feel comfortable and safe with your therapist. If you don’t feel a connection or sense of trust, it’s okay to keep looking until you find the right fit.”

Career Advice from Designer Karen Spears

At 28, Karen Spears is a calm and collected individual with so much insight into the world of entrepreneurship. Karen shared her budding, enterprising journey with us which began as early as middle school when she created craft books for teachers, and later painted signage quotes for friends going to college. She clearly had a gift and honed it, until it blossomed into her very own business. Here are some amazing tips and tricks Karen has learned over the years:

  1. The people around you matter. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
  2. Running your own business is no joke. It takes serious commitment and time. The greater the risk, the greater the reward.
  3. You have to plan out the life you want. Planning is what leads to success. If you want to become an entrepreneur, don’t quit your full-time today without an action plan.
  4. If you’ve been granted a gift or talent, you have a responsibility to nurture it.
  5. You can save money by doing your taxes quarterly, not yearly.
  6. Don’t make decisions based on our emotions saying less and doing more.
  7. Find a mentor, and advocate for ourselves. You are the bag!

    More:
    – Never assume other people’s motives.
    – Identify what inspires the people you work with and connect with them based on those things.
    – Pace yourself and manage your time wisely to avoid burnout.
    – Practice clear communication and boundaries.
Here’s a beautiful phone screensaver from Karen. Thank you!

May Wellness Daytreat

Special love to our partner WP+D Chicago who helped us make this event a success! Shout out to Molly Black for leading such a soothing yoga sesh, Ammie Kae for making us reflect deeply on our wounds and triumphs using narrative exposure therapy, and finally Pam Johnson Davis, LeeAnn McCabe & Ashima Bhayana for sharing your incredible and relatable stories about friendship, grief, depression, and the cost of being hard on ourselves.

Here are a few takeaways:
– Doing yoga is healing and beneficial to our mental/ physical health. 
– Molly Black has a soothing presence and is able to transport anyone to a calm place. Check out her Portugal Yoga Retreat and use code: WELLNESSWITHMOLLY for $100 off.
– Sharing our stories helps us feel better and makes us realize we aren’t alone.
– According to Ammie Kae Brooks, Narrative Exposure Therapy is a helpful way to make sense of our trauma. We used this therapy module during our journaling session with flowers (to represent triumphs), rocks (challenges), candles (connections) + matches (losses), and it was eye-opening viewing our troubles and triumphs in this way. Here’s the exercise to practice at home. Ammie is accepting new clients! Learn more: granddaughtershealing.com
– Be careful whom you allow into your inner circle.
– Don’t be so hard on yourself when you’re going through a difficult time. This is when you need to be the most gentle with yourself.
– Your career journey is not linear and you have to keep fighting to find the right environment and mentors.
– Finally, find some time every day or week to journal your thoughts. It’ll help you feel better about the things you’re going through. Check some interesting happenings/ more links below.

Fall Sex Talk with Yanni Brown

Fall Sex Talk with Yanni Brown was a fabulous time! We talked about sex, self-care, finding love in this pandemic, and being more vocal about our desires. Yanni was able to answer all of our pressing questions. She kept it really real and for that, I think we’re all eternally grateful.

Loving yourself is a never-ending journey. – Yanni Brown

  1. One of the key themes throughout the talk was learning to fall in love with yourself first before bringing someone else into the picture. Sometimes we think relationships will fix our issues, but we need to look within first and figure out who we are, what we want, and need.
  2. When dating people, there are questions we need to ask. They will tell us whether the person is serious about us or not. Questions to ask in the beginning are: Where is this going? What are you looking for in a relationship?
  3. People are finding love in this pandemic! Nathalynne McGinnis is a true testament to this. She met her partner right before quarantine and they took it slow – speaking on the phone, taking walks, and doing socially distant activities. Yanni says if the person you want to date is interested, they’ll find a way to make it work with you.
  4. You don’t have to follow traditional relationship patterns. You can date whomever you’d like, as long as you are open and honest about who you are and what you’re looking for!

More gems from Yanni:
We all want to be loved
Ask to see their MyChart
You are chosen

Thanks, Yanni! Please feel free to email her here: yanni@makinglovebettertwogether.com.

  • More sayings from the other girls who attended:
    -Sex becomes more painful with age
    -Apparently, this stuff works
    -My pleasure matters to me
  • Balancing your PH comes before, during, and after sex. Eat a well-balanced diet and see a nutritionist if what you’re doing isn’t working.
    -You should consider pursuing non-traditional relationships too. Be honest about what you’re looking for. You’re not too old to start pursuing this at 30.
    -Don’t settle for less than you deserve. Be true to who you are and you’ll attract the right person.

A meditation to help with self-care & finding love:
Close your eyes.
Relax your shoulders.
Unclench your jaw.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in again.
Breathe out.
Think of yourself as having a beautiful relationship with yourself. Now, think of yourself having the same with someone worthy of having you.
Open your eyes.

How to Grow Plants & Friendships

Here’s what we learned from our talk with Jasmine of Black Girls with Gardens! We learned plenty about plants and cultivating our friendships. We hope these tips will help you on your journey to grow your plants and build lasting friendships.

  1. Jasmine is a therapist who works with mentally ill patients by day, and gardens at night. After her last grandparent died, she began taking care of her garden and it was there that Black Girls with Gardens bloomed. Jasmine says it came naturally to her because she loves plants and gardening + she felt it was necessary, and she wanted to connect with other like-minded women who were interested in gardening. As a result, BGWG has grown!
  2. People make two mistakes when growing plants – first, impulse buying plants without having done research to determine whether they will grow well in their home, and second, over-loving the plant by watering too much or re-potting too quickly.
  3. Do your research! Assess your home’s sunlight levels, whether it’s humid or cold, etc. Take five minutes to google the plant type and understand its care requirements. Qs to answer: what kind of lighting are you getting? What’s the ideal temp? Research which plants like those environments.
  4. Most tropical plants like warm rooms. You can buy elephant ears, philodendrons, hoyas, and monstera.
  5. For growing plants outdoors, consider your soil and what your watering schedule is going to be like.
  6. Plants can get sick. Go through a process of elimination – water, soil, light. If the plant doesn’t revive, it’s time to let it go. More tips here.
  7. If it’s not broken, I wouldn’t try to fix it. – in reference to Pamela’s Croton plant which is blossoming right now. If your plant is thriving, let it thrive. You don’t have to do anything extra.
  8. Try these fertilizers: organic earth warm castings, Jobe’s fertilizer sticks, and fish emotion.
  9. Growing zones aka your growing climates are important to know, so you’re aware of when and what to grow in your garden. It’s a guide to when to start growing fruits and veggies.
  10. Herbs are great plants to grow to learn how to garden – grow them indoors or outdoors. They’re resilient plants – basil (so many different types), parsley, oregano, cilantro, and thyme. You can grow 5 to 6 at a time. Have fun with these!
  11. Use neem oil to get rid of bugs in your plants, but beware of how much you are using because it can burn your plants. More tips here.
  12. We have so much in common with plants. Jasmine broke it down to three essential parts – water, light and soil. We need to water both our plants and friendships adequately. Water adds nutrients to plants, just as in our friendships, water represents good communication which is the key to any healthy relationship. You should feel comfortable sharing how you feel! Light is another important factor which gives plants the chemical energy it needs to thrive. Light in friendships = being present and listening more to one another. Finally, plants need proper soil, which is the foundation of growth. The foundation in a friendship means being surrounded by like-minded individuals! Set realistic expectations about the relationship but remember why you became friends in the first place, and be nimble as the relationship changes, and remember it’s worth fighting for as long as you’re still connecting.
  13. Managing friendships during a pandemic? Reach out and manage expectations! Take care of yourself first before anyone else. Be clear about your needs and manage where you can meet in the middle.
  14. Making new friends? Be open-minded to new experiences. You’ll find friends in ways you never did before. Be open to virtual first dates!
  15. Finally, just like plants, be easy, stay open-minded, and enjoy the journey. Some relationships will last forever, while others are just for the season, and that is okay.