We hear a lot about self-love, and how we’re encouraged to practice, prioritize and make more time for it but what does loving yourself actually look like?
For many of us, self-love brings to mind bubble baths, spa days, treating ourselves to something nice, or simply doing what makes us happy. And while there’s absolutely room for those things, self-love goes much deeper! Sometimes, loving yourself means doing the very thing that makes you uncomfortable. It means telling yourself the truth, setting boundaries, asking for help, and making decisions that support the person you’re becoming, even when those decisions aren’t easy.
Here are a few ways to put self-love into practice:
- Self-love is discipline
We often think of self-love as treating ourselves and doing what feels good. Yes, those things matter but self-love is also discipline. It’s telling yourself the truth, setting boundaries, saying no without overexplaining, and walking away from what no longer serves you, even when it’s hard. - Unlearn the cape
So many of us have been taught to save everyone while quietly breaking apart on the inside. “My mom and grandmother handed me codependency on a silver platter,” Lisa shared and wow, did that resonate. Healing asks us to pause, question what we’ve been taught, and choose ourselves. Saying no won’t always feel good. You might wonder if people will leave, and some will but they were never good for you anyway. - Build your capacity to sit with guilt
When we stop giving people what they want, our nervous system reacts because we’re not used to choosing ourselves. This is where the work begins: building your capacity to sit with discomfort. Staying rooted in practices that bring you back to yourself through mindfulness, breathwork, movement, and stillness. One simple practice Lisa shared: give yourself 24 hours before responding to requests. It creates space to ask, Do I actually have the capacity for this? - People-pleasing leads to illness
When you’re always saying yes, your body eventually says no. For many women, especially Black women, this goes beyond emotional exhaustion. Chronic stress from overextending ourselves can lead to real physical consequences, from immune disorders to conditions like breast cancer. This is serious! We are getting sick from not saying no. Setting boundaries isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. Self-love + self-awareness = self-worth. - Practice real self-care
Remind yourself daily: You are good. You are inherently worthy just because you’re here. Self-care is making the choices that support you in the long run even when it’s hard. It’s nurturing yourself spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. It can look like quitting that job, walking away from a toxic relationship, or choosing relationships that are safe and reciprocal. This is self-care. - Write a love letter to yourself
Writing to yourself can be a powerful way to begin healing from over giving. Here’s a place to get started:
Dear me,
I am allowed to take up space.
I am allowed to rest without earning it.
I forgive myself for surviving the only way I knew how.
I am not responsible for fixing everyone.
I am learning to trust myself.
I choose myself, even when it feels uncomfortable.
These helpful tips came from a recent virtual conversation, Love Letter to Me. Special love to our guest speaker, Lisa Butler and all of the women who showed up ready to share.